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Battar
User Rank
Platinum
Wurtzheimer
Battar   4/22/2012 10:13:40 AM
NO RATINGS
...and our sympathies to Mrs Wurtzheimer. The rest of you - get back to work.

melllowfelllow
User Rank
Gold
Re: Caption
melllowfelllow   4/20/2012 11:40:02 PM
NO RATINGS
I can see that everyone is excited about the new corporate Intergalactic Quality Improvement Initiative.

-Inspired by Scott Adams

pjkettlejr
User Rank
Iron
Old Time Factory Floor
pjkettlejr   4/20/2012 10:00:34 PM
NO RATINGS
Don't look at us, the ASPCA says the hamsters get an hour out of their wheels for lunch!

melllowfelllow
User Rank
Gold
Re: Caption
melllowfelllow   4/20/2012 7:16:16 PM
NO RATINGS
"This stock market crash is not going to have much effect on business."

 

Quote tweaked from-

"This crash is not going to have much effect on business."
- Arthur Reynolds, Chairman of Continental Illinois Bank of Chicago, October 24, 1929

melllowfelllow
User Rank
Gold
Re: Caption
melllowfelllow   4/20/2012 6:58:47 PM
NO RATINGS
You have only been here 14 hours, "Why is everyone just standing around??".

kenish
User Rank
Platinum
Caption
kenish   4/20/2012 6:56:29 PM
NO RATINGS
- ISO9000, Six Sigma Black Belt certified

- Facilities Engineering designed the production line for minimum downtime using failsafe, "belt-and-suspenders" techniques

-  All in all, it's just another brick in the wall...

- Software engineers from the predecessor of Red Hat.

melllowfelllow
User Rank
Gold
Re: Caption
melllowfelllow   4/20/2012 6:38:31 PM
Now that I have your attention, I will go over the shop rules.
  1. Any damage to the equipment will result in immediate termination - this includes damages caused by blood and body parts.
  2. Any unauthorized breaks will result in immediate termination.

Now back to work!!

warren@fourward.com
User Rank
Platinum
Caption
warren@fourward.com   4/20/2012 6:15:20 PM
NO RATINGS
Well, the new Department of Manufacturing guys just left.  What do you think of the government's new state-of-the-art manufacturing facility?  They staffed it with unemployed laborers who still get unemployment.

JCG
User Rank
Gold
Captions
JCG   4/20/2012 6:04:36 PM
-

I have bad news... due to the downturn in the economy and the poor business market, we're afraid that no only will there be no increase in benefits and pay this year, but all the production operators will be forced to accept a 5% reduction in pay.

On a positive note, our customers' love us, our company had a record breaking year in sales and profit, and all the managers are receiving bonuses three times their salaries... oops.

-

The good news is that the government is here to watch over you by ensuring your safety with OSHA, your environment with the EPA, your unions and child labor laws with the Burea of Labor, while maintaining an arbitrary minimum wage not tied any economic index.

The bad news is that the government has taxed your owners and stockholders so much that, despite receiving a few hundred million is stimulus funds, they've put that money into closing your plant and moving the manufacturing overseas to a country that doesn't care about work safety, the environment, unions or child labor, and the workers' yearly pay is less than your weekly paycheck.

-

Who took the last energy drink?

-

Unfortunately, after being in business several decades, our board of directors has decided that our future will not be in the creation of wealth through mining, growing, or manufacturing wealth, but by providing simple unskilled, low quality services to everyone else for far more money than it's worth because no one overseas would ever attempt to undersell our services with complex, highly-skilled, high quality services for a fraction of the cost.

-

And that includes our diversity training... any questions?

-

Have you ever thought about replacing those skylights with green, energy efficient CFLs?

-

On the advise of our overpaid consultants we're discontinuing the apprenticeship and internship programs because the consultants think that anyone off the street can do your job with a little training.  Also, for your information, the training budget for next year has been eliminated, we don't have the money to hire anyone else, and no one will get a pay raise this year because we needed the money to pay the consultants.

-

Where do you want me to place the smiley faces? Does anyone know the chicken dance?  Who wants to join the fun team?

-

Congratulations on joining this new government research lab, just look around... our new senator managed to earmark hundreds of millions of dollars for this project, most of that for equipment and personnel; however, to save money, we didn't buy the new equipment, but had someone in asset control unfamiliar with the project pick out some equipment from surplus... to keep us under budget, none of you actually working on the project can expect pay raises until the sixth year, which is also the year our new senator is up for re-election.  To celebrate, the several hundred administrators and office support staff are having a gala at the stadium and five-star hotel across the street, where we booked the banquet halls and half the hotel for a party... We're bringing in bands and singers, and all the food will be catered by world-renowned gourmet chefs... At the after party we'll be handing out assignments and bonuses to the administrators and support staff.  It starts at 7:00PM sharp... oh, and don't forget your tuxes, as this is a black-tie affair.  We'd like to thank our friends over at the GSA for helping us with contacts to coordinate this in such a short time.  Any questions? 

-

In an effort to improve efficiency, after the meeting to set the agendas for this round of meetings, the meeting for the fun team bake sale, the volunteer team meeting, and the green team, we'll have our kick-off meeting for the efficiency team to set up a plan to discover the root cause for our drop in production...

-

Don't worry about an increase to your healthcare premiums, we got a waiver!

-

Where do you want this CMM?

-

I'm here to install the clean room...

-

benmlee2
User Rank
Gold
Caption
benmlee2   4/20/2012 5:35:13 PM
Beating will continue until moral improves.

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