'Twas the night 'fore the review
And throughout our small firm
Even the bosses
Were starting to squirm.
There were eight hours left
Before our meeting would start,
But we needed 2 days
To finish the charts.
They kept piling on work
As the hours dragged on,
Until like vampires and bats
We started fearing the dawn.
The data and papers
Were piled on the floor.
If there'd been a fire
We couldn't get to the door.
The drawings and specs
Were completed last Tuesday.
But the printer has lost 'em
Saying, "They were in the out tray!"
Carie sent her report
To the large network printer,
I guess no one told her
It overheats and makes cinders.
Tony wanted view-graphs
To brief output curves,
But the graph paper's gone
Now he's on everyone's nerves.
It's a quarter past three
And there's still more to do.
Our V.P. said that he wants
To hold a Red Team review.
By calling a "Red Team"
All the others departed
Now the Blue Team is sleeping,
While the Red Team's just started.
Upon reading the charts
And 'red-lining'his changes,
The boss has decided
He's reducing our wages.
By the close of the meeting
We'd failed his review.
Now we're back to square one
With even more work to do.
Lori, in pubs,
Checked the printer for ink.
We were all out of black
But there was plenty of pink.
Her boss called some firms
With this question to ask,
"Can anyone out there
Please print out this task?"
He found someone open
Twenty four hours a day,
But they didn't speak English
Except, "How will you pay?"
George entered the meeting room
To inspect its condition.
What he found there was
A ghastly apparition.
The room had been haunted
By review teams of yore,
When customers had run
Screaming out through the door.
But we showed 'em our project
And the work that we'd done;
The ghosts were in awe
Then took off at a run.
As the sun rose in the east
We were finished, amazed.
Then the customer called
To say our review'd been delayed.
This report is one of a series of occasional columns exploring the not-altogether-serious side of engineering by Ken Foote, a mechanical engineer at GDLS. You can reach Ken at footes@novagate.com or e-mail your comments to us at kfield@cahners.com
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